it can make you face all your fears.

i could leave you well enough
alone believing you'd be overcome
and gone by grace away
better off than if i stayed
i could leave you walk away
we'll save it for another day
through all the wars i've come to know
it's punches pulled, not towels thrown in

when they come knocking on your heart's door
choose the one who loves you more, oh
and when you've found something to die for
(it can make you face all your fears)
they'll be knocking on your heart's door.

burn us up.

So, ever since I got back from Youth Specialties, I keep listening to this song called "Burn Us Up" by Shane & Shane. The song is based off the passage in Daniel 3, where King Nebuchadnezzar (I had to copy and paste that trash right off of biblegateway...) is making the people of the nation worship an image of gold. At the sound of the trumpet playing, everyone is to stop what they're doing and bow down to this statue of gold. Well, three guys, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, believe in worshipping God and only God, and stand up to the king and refuse to worship his gold statue. The king can't believe this and threatens to throw them in the furnace. So then, they say this:

"16b O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Even though it's pretty amazing that they would say something along the lines that God will save them from a furnace that is now seven times hotter than usual, it's not the part I get stuck on. That's the cliche answer, the one that everyone knows and can repeat and somewhat mean to an extent without every really needing it. But the second part, verse 18. "But even if he does not..." Even if he doesn't....I just don't know. They are willing to die for this. Really? I mean I know that's what we're told, that Christ died for us, and that our lives should be a sacrfice for Him. I get it. But it's in a different light to me this time, and I'm not really sure I have that passion so much anymore. Not recently at least. I have this weird, apathetic vibe towards it all. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have not forgotten anything that has happened in the past two years. It's not even as though I'm going back to the way I was, I'm just kind of, going through the motions.

You know those friendships that end, just because. There really isn't a reason, maybe someone moved, or college started and calling everyday went to texting every couples weeks or so, and before you know it, you might LOOK at their facebook page once a month but now you never talk. There aren't any bitter feelings, its just kind of, over.

I feel like that with a lot things in my life right now. I don't feel passionate about anything anymore. My biggest concern is getting through school so I can be a nurse and move on with my life. I'm not even excited about school, I just want it to wake up and have it be 2010. I want to see somewhere else so bad. I want to be so excited for something that nothing can stand in my way. I want to have that drive again. I want to be certain about something, anything, but at the same time, even if I'm uncertain about it, I want the love for it to overrule the uncertainty of it. I feel like my mind is somewhere else with each day. One day I think about doing this, and the next I would be satisfied with something completely different. Who knows. But if someone does, feel free to let me in the secret, because I'll still be sitting right here, I'm sure.

10 on 7, please.

So, the other day, after class I needed to get gas; so I stopped at the Texaco on Harford Road. I only had cash on me, so I had to go up to the window and pay. It's one of those gas stations that only has the hut, not a full store. In order to pay, someone (who is extremely bright I'm guessing), invented a device in which the cashier pushes a drawer out, you put your money in, and they take the drawer back, with your money in it. Well, as I was walking up to the window, I must have not seen a step that is right in front and tripped. I reached out to grab something, anything, to catch my fall and the guy was trying to pull back the drawer so I wouldn't hit it; but it was too late, I already grabbed onto the drawer at the same time he got it to pull back. Next thing I know, my hand is stuck in the drawer. The guy just kept saying, "Oh my God, oh my God..." and then I just yelled "MY HAND IS STUCK!" He looked down and freaked out a little and then pushed the drawer open. I threw my money in and said,"Can I have 10 on 7, please? Thank you." and slammed the drawer back towards him. I started laughing while I was walking away and the guy just stared at me. I mean, I must have looked pretty ridiculous to the 10 people pumping gas at that very second. Then, I realized my hand hurt really bad and was bleeding so I started crying, while I was laughing. I didn't know what to do. So I called Pat, because I knew he would make me laugh, and in the middle of telling my story I started crying again because my hand still hurt really bad and was still bleeding.

The only thing I was grateful for was the fact that I only got $10 in gas because that meant me standing there at the pump, crying/laughing for a less amount of time than I usually would.

Moral of Story: Watch your step, even when it doesn't say to.

meet me in st. louis

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see

how is it

that with over 5100 songs on my ipod, I can't find anything to listen to? Dissatisfaction? Maybe I'm always looking for something new? I think that it would help if I could decide what I was feeling, then maybe, just maybe, I'd find a song to fit.